The ocean has never been a good friend of mine and our relationship continues to be a struggle. Every time I think I’m ready to rekindle the friendship there’s an obstacle. And the truth is, it’s really not a top priority for me to be good friends with the ocean just to be friendly.

I was deeply humbled yet again about two weeks ago. It was a beautiful morning in Malibu. The sun was shining and it was a gorgeous day. My friend picked me up Saturday morning at 6.45 am so we could swim with a group at Zuma Beach and be accompanied by a lifeguard…very comforting to me since I have a rocky relationship with the ocean.

All is going well. We’re on time and we meet the group of swimmers at 7.30 am. We get our wetsuits on and listen to the lifeguard’s tips to swim better.  The group leader asks if there are any questions and then we all start walking in the water. Here’s where the story unfolds. I put my feet in the water and it’s so cold, 57 degrees, that it’s actually painful to stand in the water (even the experts will say that 57 is chilly). This isn’t surprising since I am freezing all the time and always need a jacket. Truth be told, I usually swim in the Santa Monica pool (with a surf suit to keep me warm) so the ocean temp is a shock to my body.

The group is starting to swim and I need to make a decision if I’m going to join them or not. I’m not a quitter but I let them go without me. The only reason I’m swimming in the ocean is to prepare for the upcoming Malibu triathlon. I know I still have time (although not much) and hope that the water will warm up. As a penalty for not swimming I keep my feet in the water for the next 30 minutes while the group swims. Amazingly enough, my feet never warm up.

Mission not accomplished. The struggle continues to prepare for the Malibu Triathlon. I am prepared for the swim portion if it were in a pool but not the ocean. I’m still battling this one and have until September 12th to conquer it. I’m moving to Plan B which includes the following small steps:

* Change my mindset to I am becoming friends with the ocean rather than we’re not friends

* Ask a good friend and experienced swimmer to swim with me in the ocean

* Considering purchasing booties to keep my feet warm and a neoprene cap for extra warmth

* Joining forces with another good friend and swim buddy for the ocean swims so we can keep each other accountable

* Continue to swim in the Santa Monica pool 2-3 times a week so I’m comfortable with the swim portion

Who cares?

So who really cares about this battle of the ocean story? Perhaps you’ve guessed that it’s not about the ocean or swim. It’s about being resilient and getting back up. The ocean kicked my butt last time but I got back up and will try my luck again. I’m still struggling with this one but that’s often the story. It doesn’t matter if you have struggles — that’s normal. Just that you face them eventually and bring in support to move past them. Wish me luck on this one. I’m hoping for a top 1% outcome.

To share your stories of being resilient, please join my facebook page Finerman Living: Living in Your Top 1%.

Keep believing in yourself,

Alissa

Is it possible to contain an unfavorable, bad or frustrating event? I think so. This past week I’ve talked to several clients and friends who have been tempted to go global with a bad or frustrating event. Although it’s a common practice for most of us, it’s not helpful in the least bit. When I use the term global I refer to taking one energy draining situation and letting it bring you down in other areas of your life. Please note, it’s just as easy to leverage a positive situation and use that to lead you into an upward spiral. A few examples:

1. Frustrated by your finances or lack of and letting that cloud your vision in all areas

2. Frustrated that your career is not doing well and you’d like to be promoted, to make more money or to be more fulfilled in your work

3. Frustrated with key relationships in your life and being disconnected from people that are important to you

While all of the above situations are indeed frustrating it’s important to be clear about a few things:

* Each situation is independent

* You have to ask yourself how long you want to stay frustrated?

* You can take a small step and do something to change it

I see so many people stay stuck in the details. If you dislike your job it really won’t help by continuing to say how much you dislike your job. We know that. The question is what are your options and what do you need to take action. What you need in a challenging situation is a clear mind. I’m not saying it’s easy because it’s not. But when you contain frustrating situations you have a much better shot at being creative and effective in other areas of your life.

BOTTOM LINE: Leverage the good things in your life and stay local with what doesn’t serve you!

Here’s a short clip from my seminar at the Milken Scholar Retreat in Los Angeles. Enjoy, Alissa
* Please join my facebook page to stay connected
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Finerman-Living-Living-in-Your-Top-1/106457632723125?ref=ts

By Alissa Finerman, MBA, ACC | www.finermanliving.com

Healthy body = Healthy mind = Happier people and Higher performers

I believe that making healthy food choices, consistently exercising, building positive relationships, filling our lives with meaningful work, embracing a resilient mindset and setting goals promote well-being and overall health. Our quest is to find the ideal mix of the above ingredients to sustain a high level of optimal wellness (the ability to sustain positive routines). Regardless of the goal, the process to move forward is the same. Let’s take a look at the power 5 ingredients to success:

1. MINDSET

Having a positive mindset is like the special sauce you add to a good meal that brings everything together and makes it fabulous.  Specifically, a growth mindset is key to sustainable change and following through with a goal. Here are the qualities you will need according to Carol Dweck, world-renowned Stanford University psychologist and author of Mindset, who has studied achievement and success for decades:

The ability to:

• Embrace challenges
• Persist in the face of setbacks
• See effort as the path to mastery
• Learn from criticism.

What can you do to have a winning mindset?

2. GOALS

People are frequently intimidated by setting goals and holding themselves accountable – and it makes a lot of sense. Declaring to friends or co-workers that you are going to accomplish something puts you on the line. Sonya Lyubomirsky in her book The How of Happiness offers compelling scientific research to support the theme that “people who strive for something personally significant, whether it’s learning a new craft, changing careers, or raising moral children, are far happier than those who don’t have strong dreams or aspirations. Find a happy person, and you will find a project.” Her research leads to six benefits of committed goal pursuit:

1. Provides a sense of purpose
2. Gives us something to work for and to look forward to
3. Enhances our self-esteem, stimulating us to feel confident and efficacious
4. Adds structure and meaning to our daily lives
5. Helps us learn to master our use of time and to identify priorities and divide into smaller steps as necessary
6. Promotes social connections which can be happiness inducing in the process of engaging with other people

The first layer of setting goals is to use the SMART goal formula:

Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely

Now here’s the twist. The reality is you can set a strategically good goal that is not the right goal. Meaning, it doesn’t resonate. For example, a SMART goal could be that a client will lose 10 pounds by December 2010 by working out three times a week for 30 minutes and eating organic food. On the surface, that’s potentially a great goal. The issue is that losing weight may not be the true goal and having greater energy and confidence may be the driver. I encourage all my clients to dig a little deeper and move to the next level and ask tough questions to find a goal that rings true. The next time you set goals take a moment and ask yourself why it’s important? How much of a priority is it to accomplish the goal on a scale of 1 to 10? And what will success look like?

3. ACTION PLAN

Words are one thing but setting the process in motion is a whole new game. Too many people set goals and think the process will move forward naturally. The toughest part is to set goals and then craft an action plan that is doable, timely and harmonious with the stated goals. I encourage clients to think in time frames such as 30 day, three month and six month periods to gain direction and forward momentum. And most importantly, write down your plan and put it on a whiteboard so you have clarity on your next steps.

4. SMALL STEPS

Small steps are such an important part of this process. The irony is that small steps lead to quantum leaps, which people often doubt. It’s much easier to take three small steps even though it seems more natural to take one big step. Small steps are key to building confidence, de-cluttering the mind, gaining momentum and helping us adjust to the change process. We are trained to think big with an all or nothing approach but change happens one step at a time.  We often get “stuck” when we think in big ideas and get overwhelmed. The question to ask is what is sustainable given your current lifestyle? The next time you set out to read an entire book in one sitting, start by reading a chapter or even a paragraph. Quantum leaps occur by taking small steps, being consistent and building confidence.

5. RESILIENCY into SOLUTIONS

Resiliency is crucial in the mix to successfully overcome one hurdle after the next. After setting a goal, people have very high motivation levels. Then a few days go by and new ideas and priorities settle in and all of a sudden the motivation level dramatically levels off unless the goal is a high priority. The dash of resiliency helps us bounce back when we hit a roadblock.  This is where solutions come in. I encourage my clients to match obstacles with solutions. Most people list obstacles and stay parked at a red light. As soon as you hit an obstacle, spend the next 90% of your time focusing on solutions (per Tony Robbins) and 10% on the problem. Focusing on the solution will channel your energy to move the process forward which is what we want. Remember, the only thing we have control over is how we react to a problem.

The Power 5 can be used to pursue any goal in all areas of your life. It’s helpful to leverage your core strengths and apply those to areas that need additional love and attention. Perhaps it’s time to revamp a goal you’ve had for a while and toss some of these suggestions into your mix. Good luck and have fun!

Please visit www.finermanliving.com to learn more about coaching.  To share your comments, please email alissa@finermanliving.com.

Believe in yourself,

Alissa

I have yet to find a path worth pursuing that does not have some obstacles. I was playing a father daughter tennis tournament in San Diego and I hurt my back and went to see the athletic trainer on site. She was a very sweet and smart Asian woman from the University of San Diego. She had a 3.8 grade point average (that’s high) and you could tell she was a winner. We started talking about her career and she shared that she loves to work with athletes so she wanted to be a trainer. I asked what she really wanted to do and her eyes lit up as she said, “a doctor.” I asked what was holding her back from pursuing her dream and she said money. Well I’m only a Life Coach not a banker so I can’t give her a loan but what I know for sure is that any path this girl takes will have obstacles. This is not to down play real financial obstacles but the point is choosing a path that you think is “easy” does not necessarily have fewer obstacles. It just has different obstacles. So whether you choose to become an athletic trainer, physical therapist, nurse or doctor you will have obstacles the entire journey.

I share this story because we all have dreams and often we talk ourselves out of something because there is a big ugly obstacle standing in your way. What gets you over obstacles is having clarity and pursuing a goal that is meaningful to you. Obstacles seem scarier than they really are. One helpful rule of thumb is to think about what you really want to achieve and then figure out a way to deal with the obstacles. If you focus on the obstacles first you will have a hard time starting anything. Give yourself a chance and pursue what you really want. You’re closer than you think.

If you’re wondering, my dad and I made it to the semi-finals of the tournament!

Thanks for reading.

Alissa

This past Tuesday night, I went outside my comfort zone and took a road trip from Santa Monica to West Hollywood solo to hear Marianne Williamson speak. I heard her speak the previous weekend at the I Can Do It conference in San Diego and she inspired me to check out her website to learn more. I saw that she lectures every Tuesday night in LA at the Regent Showcase theater. The theater was packed with about 1,000 people all mesmerized by her words and shaking their heads in agreement. She holds your attention and is a dynamo! She refers to the Course in Miracles throughout her lecture.

Below are a few key take-aways:

1. Show up for each day, don’t wait

2. We think perfection is in the future but to god/spirit, it’s perfect now (just as a side not, Marianne’s teaching are not religious)

3. The ego tells us we are not enough so we try to consume things to make us enough (she shared a funny example that people go out of their way to take an entire round of antibiotics yet look for the easy way out or short cuts when trying to build a spiritual practice or meditate, there is no substitute for doing the work)

4. Difficult times present us with the perfect opportunity to help us develop

5. The universe has no memory of your mistakes, only you do

6. Enjoy the life you’re living now rather than view it as a transition

7. Be willing now to share greater respect and appreciation for your life today

8. What we need is new eyes, ears, mind and a heart

9. The ego speaks first and loudest

If you’re in the LA area, it’s worth the trip to hear her speak. It’s an experience that I hope to enjoy again soon.

Thanks,

Alissa

Hi, this weekend I attended the I Can Do It conference in San Diego. It was an amazing gathering of several thousand people to hear inspiring speakers such as Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson, Robert Holden, Louse Hay and others.

The speaker who resonated with me most deeply was Marianne Williamson. Her teachings are from A Course in Miracles. One of my favorite books by Marianne is A Return to Love in which she interprets a course in miracles. This book is well worth a read and may just be the book to dramatically shift your life upwards.

I’ll share my take-aways from Marianne, Robert Holden and Joan Borysenko:
Marianne has a great energy and is a great speaker. She holds your attention and has a humble approach for how many lives she has made a difference in.  She is a favorite of Oprah. She lectures every tuesday in los angeles @7.30 (I plan to attend one of her talks, let me know if you would like to join)

- Miracles happen when we shift our perception
- Lead with love
- Every single moment demands a choice
- Good is no longer good enough
- Just because you feel like it, doesn’t mean it’s a smart idea

Robert Holden: Topic “Be Happy”, author of Shift Happens
6 principles to happiness
1. Following your joy (vs searching for happiness)
2. Some people chase happiness and some people choose happiness
3. Happiness is identifying the real more that you really, really want
4. Sometimes in order to be happy in the present moment, you have to be willing to give up all hope for a better past
5. To be happy, you have to make “love” more important than anything else
6. The Now Principle – You will never become happy, you can only BE happy (love = happiness)

Joan Borysenko Topic “Resilience”
Resilience is the time between no longer and not yet

The same things that make people resilient, make companies resilient:
1.  Realism – people who adjust the sails vs pessimism or optimism
2. People who are radically creative are the resilient ones
3. Humor
4. Faith in meaning

50% of resilience is genetic and the rest can be learned. (this is exciting for those of us who believe who are not resilient).

Thanks. Share your comments too!

The Investor’s Business Daily has studied leaders and successful people to produce these 10 secrets for success to turn your dreams into reality. They share stories each day to highlight one of these traits. I love these type of tips because regardless of where you are in your life right now, you can be successful and reach your dreams. It starts by believing in yourself. Read through the tips and see which ones you already do and which ones could be helpful to weave into your daily rituals. Would be interested to hear feedback on which ones you like and what else you would add to the list.

1. How you think is everything: Always be positive. Think success, not failure. Beware of a negative environment.
2. Decide upon your true dreams and goals: Write down specific goals, develop a plan to reach them.
3. Take action: Goals are nothing without action. Don’t be afraid to get started. Just do it.
4. Never stop learning: Go back to school or read books. Get training and acquire skills.
5. Be persistent and work hard: Success is a marathon, not a sprint. Never give up.
6. Learn to analyze details: Get all the facts, all the input. Learn from your mistakes.
7. Focus your time and money: Don’t let other people or things distract you.
8. Don’t be afraid to innovate; Be different: Following the herd is a sure way to mediocrity.
9. Deal and communicate with people effectively: No person is an island. Learn to understand and motivate.
10. Be honest and dependable; Take responsibility: Otherwise, Nos. 1-9 won’t matter.

Setting a stretch goal is one of the best ways to help you reach a little higher. The best part is you often achieve what you set your mind to. Check out my video for a quick motivation jolt!

Sign up for monthly newsletter at www.finermanliving.com
Enjoy
Alissa

I love stretch goals and here’s why. It takes just as much effort to aim high as it does to aim low. And the amazing part is you might just achieve your stretch goal.

A stretch goal is anything that makes you reach a little higher. Just to clarify, it does not mean that you have to be #1 or the best in whatever you do. It means producing your personal best and going for something that you might not have thought possible.

A few examples:

1. You start your own business (which is a great accomplishment alone) — why not decide to start a business and be recognized as a leader in your industry. Both require vision and planning.

2. You enjoy being a lawyer but dislike the commute and office politics. Why not set a stretch goal to work part of the time from home? You might even be more productive and you will definitely have more time for yourself. It might just happen if you present a compelling case. I know it has worked for clients.

3. Your goal could be to publish a book. A stretch goal would be to publish a book that is on the NY Times Bestseller List. The point is either way you have to write the book and put in the time and effort so why not aim a little higher.

4. I started doing triathlons in 2007 and in 2009 I set a stretch goal to complete my first half-ironman competition. And you know what – I did it because I set my sights a little higher.

One important note, it’s ok if you do not achieve your entire stretch goal. Chances are you will be much further along than if you set an average goal.

Bottom Line: You’ll be amazed at what you can achieve if you give yourself the room to run.

“A mind dominated by positive emotions becomes a favorable abode for the state of mind known as faith.” – Napoleon Hill

Believe in yourself,

Alissa